From Donkeys to Pee-Wee Herman, and Tiny Tim, this list has it all…or not much at all. Depends on how you look at it. I prefer to view it as ‘The Glass of Eggnog is Half Empty.’

So hop in your sleigh and let's go on a journey of horrendous Holiday not-so-Classics:

In 1975, John Denver unleashed this Drunken Gem of Holiday Happiness, featuring lyrics like:

Just last year when I was only seven

Now I'm almost eight as you can see

You came home a quarter past eleven

And fell down underneath our Christmas tree

How can this not emit the joyous wonder of the Holidays? The song was written by Bill Danoff, who penned “Afternoon Delight.” Sounds like daddy’s Afternoon Delight was actually suckin' down bottles of booze:

Just because you had a hit TV show, doesn’t mean that you GET to release a Holiday Song. The Duck Dynasty crew thought otherwise in 2013:

I don’t know what’s worse, Tiny Tim’s song about Santa getting AIDS, or the B-side to this called “She Left Me (with the Herpes)

PONK

In 1989, the then-unstoppable “New Kids on the Block’ released a Christmas Album…in September. Donnie Wahlberg was responsible for the lyrics to the only original track on the double-platinum album that featured the line “Girls on the floor knows our posse at the door.”

BONUS: They performed it live on The Arsenio Hall Show. Nice.

As a Star Wars fan, it pains me to add this track from 1980 to the list. But added, it must.

I don’t even know what the bleep this is:

1.) Frogs Can’t Sing
2.) If Frogs Could Sing, they shouldn’t

Alright, this 1979 holiday tune is a guilty pleasure of mine. It’s catchy, I’ll give it that.

 

Rudolph wasn’t the only four-legged animal to have a Christmas Song.

Shut up, Madonna. You’re from Michigan. Lose the accent. This 1987 version has been covered too many times by too many artists but nothing beats Eartha Kitt’s original from 1953.

And then this happened in 1988. As a kid, I was always hoping that Pee Wee was going to whack her in the face when he tried to hit the pinata blindfolded. Sadly, my Christmas Wish never came true.

 

 

 

 

 

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