Ten Commandments of Driving In Cedar Rapids
The Rules of the Road are a little different in Cedar Rapids. Here's what you'll need to remember when you're behind the wheel when driving in Iowa.
10. Thou shall not tailgate on Mount Vernon Rd. Face it, you’re already going too fast, you don’t need to be on my bumper. That’s no way to meet someone. This teaches you the virtue of tolerance.
9. Thou shall not exceed 20 mph in downtown Marion. Why not slow down and enjoy the view? This teaches you the virtue of patience. Or use the bypass, that’s what we built the damn thing for.
8. Thou shall not party all the time and then try to drive your sorry self home. You don't have a spare $10,000 that you can blow on a DUI conviction. So do the right thing, pocket the keys and pay the $10 to call an Uber or Lyft.
7. Thou shall not ignore flashing railroad crossings. What are you, stupid? Do you really think you can beat that train? You better not be wrong or you’ll be pushing up daisies.
6. Thou shall not go the wrong way on a one-way street downtown. Pay attention! Yes, of course it’s confusing, it's downtown after all. And don’t get me started on those silly bike lanes.
5. Thou shall not cruise on 1st Avenue. You did this years ago, but things change. You actually were cool then....back when cruising in cars on Friday nights was how to meet chicks. Trust me, that ship sailed long before your AARP card arrived in the mail.
4. Thou shall not drive stuck in the left lane on I 380. Answer me this: Are people passing you in the right lane? Then move the heck over! Chances are you're the cause of the traffic jam that’s backing up commuters to North Liberty.
3. Thou shall not collect speeding camera tickets. These aren’t baseball bubblegum cards. Having more than two or three isn’t anything to be proud of. Slow the heck down and quit acting so self righteous.
2. Thou shall not ignore your turn signals. Why don't people in Cedar Rapids use turn signals? Just flick your damn blinkers, even for right-lane turns at four way residential stops. Not using your turn signal is lazy and that’s not the way you roll.
1. Thou shall not dismiss red light camera tickets. This one is serious, you cannot run a red light. It’s dangerous, you could hurt someone or be T-boned in traffic. There are enough people in Cedar Rapids with brain damage already, we don’t need you suffering a head injury too.