"Honey, I see some wild turkeys! CALL 911..." This is, what I assume residents of West Des Moines were shouting at spouses and loved ones recently.

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Yes, this is a true story, yes, 911 has been called multiple times on a couple of (ugly) wild turkeys. YES, this neighborhood in West Des Moines has very first-world problems. And yes, the birds are - for the most part, harmless. As you'll soon see, this is no "dumb criminal" story, just a story about oddly placed panic.

Our story comes from as mentioned, West Des Moines where KCCI reports, a pair of wild turkeys have been bringing forth pure evil to the masses! That's a lie, they've been looking for food, and confusing cars with other turkeys. Yep, these birds are duuuuumb.

A face only a mother could love. (KCCI/YouTube)
A face only a mother could love. (KCCI/YouTube)

But it's true, KCCI reports cops do get about six 911 calls daily regarding the turkeys. The Iowa DNR control won't do anything about the birds because they're wildlife, and police have asked the public to STOP calling.

The two turkeys, some say there's a third, are only looking for food and, for whatever reason, they've claimed a few streets in West Des Moines as their territory. They are not aggressive towards people, but they are towards cars.

When the turkeys see their reflection on the side of someone's Kia Rio or Prius or whatever they drive in West Des Moines, they attack it (with what I assume are cute pecks) thinking it's another turkey trying to muscle in on their turf.

Police have also asked West Des Moinesians to not feed the birds since it encourages them to hang around.

My thoughts, they SHOULD feed 'em. Get them nice and plump, then throw them in the old pressure cooker. Who's hungry? I hear they pair well with Wild Turkey whiskey. Party time!

By the way, Tuff Guy Turkey's Terrorize Trembling Town was my rejected headline for this story. I just wanted to get that out there. It was hard to pass it up! 

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