Top Five Reasons why NOT to Wash Your Car

Everyone can recall an age when writing “WASH ME” into the back of a dirty car, bus or truck seemed like the most rebellious thing to do. The really bad kids would sometimes write dirty words into the dirty door panels. Some creative types might even attempt drawing certain female body parts! (.) (.) But we’ve matured since then, and would now more likely write reminders like “get oil change” or “buy milk”. Yes, we’re older now and “adulting” is the “in” thing to do, even if drawing cartoon boobies is still more fun. Whenever possible I still try to combine the two practices with messages like “return bOOks to library”.

An expensive dirty car is a great theft deterrent. A thick coat of salty grime can make even the coolest of expensive cars look crappy.  Ugh, who would steal THAT?

An old, cheap car looks remarkably better with a coat of dirt, salt and grime. More accurately, it simply doesn’t look any worse than all the other late model cars on the road today. You know, the kind that have another 34 months of $300 payments to go. Suckers. You can drive right past them with all the self-righteous smugness you can muster in a grey 1999 Saturn.

Even better when the road salt and dirt are covering up the scratched, dented, dinged-up corners, bashed-in bumpers and crinkled, crumpled fenders. The result of too many late night drive thru obstacles like parking lot curbs, divided-lane medians and low-hanging fast food awnings. The streaks of highway crud add a certain character to the battle scars of multiple owners and rookie drivers.

Finally, you and your car blend in with everyone else in their nasty, grimy winter wheels of steel. Rich or poor, busy or laid-back, rushed or relaxed…your dirty winter car is part of the whole. It's a welcome member in the community of contraptions required to endure sub-zero temperatures, muddy windshield streaks, and quarter panels dusted with white salt that wipes off the chassis easily enough, but clings to your clothes as desperately as winter clings to the month of March.