Tips on How To Survive Shark Attack

In honor of Shark Week this week, here are five tips on how to survive a shark attack.  Even though you're probably going nowhere near the ocean at all.

1.  Don't panic. Kinda like a dog...sharks can sense fear.

2.  Make eye contact and be assertive. Apparently, like the guy who interviewed you for your last job...he respects old school manners.

3.  If a shark attacks, fight back.  Sharks are bullies.  If they see they can push you around, they will.  So, unlike my mom who taught me to not fight back and the bullies are just jealous...go ahead and lay out that MFer.  Stand your ground.

4.  Assess your injuries.  Hold what's left of your hand above your head to gross out boaters and also slow the blood flow.

5.  Swim to shore and get help.  Depend on your injuries you may only be able to swim in circles like a canoe with one oar.  Do your best, Stubby.

This article is just a little too late for a Jackass stunt gone wrong.  Apparently they're a guy named Poopie.  He was doing a stunt that involved jumping a pit of sharks and believe it or not...Poopie went oopsies and landed in the pit.

He tried swimming for his live and made it...but not with out getting bit on the hand and being rushed to the hospital.

All the shark talk aside...I like the idea of the Jackass guys recruiting more jackasses.  Johnny Knoxville is getting too old for crazy stuff like this and too be honest...I might be too old to watch.