One Iowa Moron Parked His Car Under A Tree And Paid The Price [PHOTOS]

The Iowa moron in this story is once again...ME! I'm the moron who did not pay attention to where he parked his car while going out to dinner last week.

I'm going to start this off by letting you know this is a really crappy story, pun 100% intended. This is a story that just gets you down in the dumps. A story you should flush right down the toilet. Alright...I promise I'm done with the poop jokes.

You know... I try to do good. I try to be a good samaritan at all times, I try to be a great friend, a great partner to my fiance, a good co-worker, and a good person. I would like to believe, for the most part, I do a fairly good job at all of those things.

I'm not perfect but I choose to believe I'm a decent enough guy. With that said, why do dumb things always seem to happen to me?  I think I should take some advice from Red Foreman from That 70s Show.

We've learned a lot about my moronic moments since moving to Iowa last March. Remember the time my co-workers blasted me for not knowing about this water cooler? Remember that one time I broke a sacred birthday tradition? Here's a good one, how about that time I accidentally set part of my backyard on fire?

My point is, I tend to do a lot of dumb stuff and have a lot of dumb stuff happen to me. 99% of the time, it's my own fault. Here's what I get for not paying attention to where I parked my car last week. This was after my fiance told me there were a LOT of birds in the tree right above me.

*WARNING* These pictures do show bird poop. If you have a weak stomach, you may want to scroll past them*

The year 2022 has been extremely rewarding to me personally and professionally but for the love of god, can I please stop having this dumb stuff happening to me in 2023? I've never claimed to be a very smart guy but man can I be stupid sometimes. I'm mostly saying that as a reminder to myself to be smarter next year.

Thankfully, I happen to be pretty good friends with the team over at Tommy's Express Car Wash. If there's anyone that can get me out of this wasteful situation, it's Tommy's Express. Also, sorry but I had to sneak in one more potty joke. Get it? Waste...? I'll see myself out.