Iowa Moron Falls Down Every Step In His House
The Iowa moron in this story is..you guessed it! Me! I'm the Iowa moron who absolutely biffed it going down his steps yesterday. This might be the most painful fall that's ever happened to me in my entire life.
Have you seen one of those movies where at the beginning it shows the main character in a tough situation and the narrator jumps in and says "yep, that's me! You're probably wondering how I ended up in this situation." I want you to picture me laying at the bottom of my steps and not moving for a good 2 minutes. I ended up in this situation because of a cat, a rumba, new socks, hardwood floors, and a magnet strip.
I'm convinced there's no one on planet earth who falls harder than I fall. I never can just trip and get back up. I have to make sure every fall I have can cause as much pain as humanly possible, so I can remember it for the rest of my life.
Yesterday my fiance started our little robot vacuum while she was doing the dishes and whenever the vacuum is on, it drives all of our cats nuts. They always get afraid of it and try to avoid it while it's running. This dang vacuum, my cat Scotty, and this magnet strip we used to block the vacuum from going downstairs caused me to go down.
I was trying to avoid stepping on a cat who was laying on the steps, the vacuum which was by the steps, and the magnet strip, and I completely whiffed. I had new socks on which caused my foot to slip off of the step I was trying to land on and the rest is history. I landed straight on my left elbow, hip, and butt cheek all at once and went sliding down every single step.
I obviously can't show you the bruise on my butt cheek but trust me, the bruises are there. Somehow I also sliced open the outside of my pinky on my left hand. How is this even possible? Only I could cause that much damage by falling down 6 steps.
The worst part is, is this is directly on the corner of my left elbow. It is literally the worst and most painful spot for this to happen. The fall sounded so bad my fiance didn't even laugh. It sounded like a sack of marbles falling down the steps. She turned around and watched me lay at the bottom of the steps for 2 minutes asking if I was okay.
I was so mad at myself that I just sat at the bottom of my steps and swore a few times. Once the initial shock wore off I began to laugh. There is no one on planet earth who would hurt themselves this bad, all over 6 steps. For the most part, my elbow is fine. I can't rest it on anything so typing this has been a bit difficult and I'm sure a solid bruise is on the way but I'll be fine.
When I was about 6 years old I had a metal bar crush four of my fingers on my left hand. To be honest, I was pretty lucky I didn't lose any of them. As far as being hurt goes, this one is up there. One of the worst places to hit is right on your elbow in my opinion and I sure got myself good.
Lesson learned I guess. It's probably karma for trying to go downstairs and not staying upstairs to help finish the dishes.