How NOT To Tailgate

It’s another B1G football weekend in the IC, with NDSU in town and I want to make sure YOU, my friend, know how “Not to Tailgate!” Simply put, don’t be a loser. No one likes a loser. What’s a loser? Here’s an easy way to ID a loser…

• They’re wearing green and yellow. C’mon, people! Leave the Packer and Bizzzzon gear at home and sport the BLACK AND GOLD!

• Don’t show up at 4:00 a.m. Look, it’s an early game, and unless you want to be throwing up at 10:30 for the 11:00 a.m. kickoff, you’ve got no business tailgating that early! So, sleep in, kiss your honey goodbye for the day, heck, grab a biscuit and a Casey’s coffee on the way to the IC.

• Share your beer. If someone runs out, offer some of yours. There is no Miller Lite America. There is no Bud Light America. There is only, “Damn I need me another beer!” America!

• No Hawkeye Vodka! Even though we love the Hawks, we DON’T love drinking lighter fluid! Spend the extra rubels and get the real deal. Stoli, Tito’s, anything but Hawkeye Vodka! Believe me, you’ll wake up Saturday night saying, “Damn, that Jaymz was right on! Solid!”

• Use a kaibo. Look, there are police EVERYWHERE and, personally, I’ll tell you because your buddy standing next to you whilst your leaning on the tree with your left hand…he wont tell you. NO ONE NEEDS TO SEE YOUR JUNK!

• Don’t hate on the Bizzzzon fans! They have to live in North Dakota, give ‘em a break! This is heaven, right? Let them drink it in.

• Quit shouting “F*** State!” That was last week.

• Because it’s an early game…buy the food, don’t waste time making it that morning. Pace yourself. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. BEER/WATER, BEER/WATER.

• Finally…FINALLY! When they play the national anthem, STAND for God’s Sake! This is the USA, baby! If you have two good legs, you STAND! If you have one good leg you stand! Hell, recently, I’ve seen videos of people with NO LEGS standing for the Anthem…it’s the least you can do! And don’t let it EVER be said that you didn’t do the least you could do.

I’m Jaymz Larson, and I approve this message. God Bless.