My Celestial Predictions for the Next Couple of Decades

The L.A. Times reports an alien encounter is coming withing the next two decades. If there's a place on planet earth that should know about E.T. and his brethren, it's Los Angeles. Oh, it's green microbes and not green beings? That's not very Hollywood.

These would be...

"By 2029, we'll meet a Neptunian microbe who does calisthenics"

"In 2033, UFOs will be as common in the Hawkeye State as bank tellers named Barb"

"Europa, one of Jupiter's Moons is a 2052 destination for a big celestial jam headlined by classic rockers The Dirty Heads"

"Once thought of as 'cruel as a headwind on Day 6 of RAGBRAI,' solar winds will begin to blow into our Milky Way and bring a new, more energizing form of oxygen here on earth. 5-hour energy drinks are rendered redundant."

Snag the rights. That movie is coming in your lifetime, player.