Let It Snow, Bro!

ATTN: Weather Wimps. You know who you are. Just like Jerry, your disposition tilts into a downward spiral at the first hint of cold and the doomy prospect of frozen precipitation. OK, maybe Jerry had some other issues...but when the first big storm arrives each season, you in the 91% start wishing your ass was planted in Yuma with Uncle Lar.

Maybe 2014 is the year you finally make your grand exit from the Upper Midwest and bolt to sunnier climes. Do it. We can barely stand the blizzageddonist whining anymore. Seriously, get the hell out of our way and let us blast some drifts with a board, sled or snowmobile.

I'm making tracks this weekend.

URGENT - WINTER WEATHER MESSAGE
NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE QUAD CITIES IA IL
302 PM CST FRI DEC 20 2013

...A WINTER STORM WILL IMPACT THE MIDWEST SATURDAY AFTERNOON AND
SUNDAY...

.A TRAVEL MESS IS EXPECTED IN IOWA AND ILLINOIS AND NORTHEAST
MISSOURI SATURDAY AFTERNOON THROUGH SUNDAY AFTERNOON. A STORM
SYSTEM WILL BRING HEAVY SNOW...SLEET...AND FREEZING RAIN TO THE
REGION. AT THIS TIME...A DANGEROUS MIX OF FREEZING RAIN AND SLEET
IS EXPECTED TO DEVELOP IN WEST CENTRAL ILLINOIS AND CENTRAL
ILLINOIS DURING THE MID AFTERNOON HOURS. SATURDAY EVENING...AND
OVERNIGHT...SNOW AND SLEET WILL SPREAD NORTH AND WEST...AFFECTING
MUCH OF IOWA AND SOUTHERN WISCONSIN. HEAVY SNOW TOTALS OF 5 TO 8
INCHES ARE ANTICIPATED IN MUCH OF IOWA...NORTHEAST MISSOURI...AND
FAR NORTHWEST ILLINOIS. LOWER AMOUNTS OF SNOW...GENERALLY 2 TO 5
INCHES ARE EXPECTED FARTHER EAST...WITH MORE OF THE PRECIPITATION
FALLING AS SLEET AND FREEZING RAIN THAN SNOW. IN ALL
LOCATIONS...BLOWING SNOW WILL BE A THREAT SUNDAY MORNING THROUGH
AFTERNOON AS NORTHWEST WINDS BRING VERY COLD AIR INTO THE REGION.

IAZ040>042-051>054-063>068-076>078-087>089-098-099-ILZ001-002-007-
009-015-024-MOZ009-010-210515-
/O.NEW.KDVN.WS.W.0005.131222T0000Z-131223T0000Z/
BUCHANAN-DELAWARE-DUBUQUE-BENTON-LINN-JONES-JACKSON-IOWA-JOHNSON-
CEDAR-CLINTON-MUSCATINE-SCOTT-KEOKUK-WASHINGTON-LOUISA-JEFFERSON-
HENRY IA-DES MOINES-VAN BUREN-LEE-JO DAVIESS-STEPHENSON-CARROLL-
WHITESIDE-ROCK ISLAND-MERCER-SCOTLAND-CLARK-
INCLUDING THE CITIES OF...INDEPENDENCE...MANCHESTER...DUBUQUE...
VINTON...CEDAR RAPIDS...ANAMOSA...MAQUOKETA...MARENGO...
IOWA CITY...TIPTON...CLINTON...MUSCATINE...BETTENDORF...
DAVENPORT...SIGOURNEY...WASHINGTON...WAPELLO...FAIRFIELD...
MOUNT PLEASANT...BURLINGTON...KEOSAUQUA....FORT MADISON...
GALENA...FREEPORT...MOUNT CARROLL...STERLING...ROCK FALLS...
MOLINE...ROCK ISLAND...ALEDO...MEMPHIS...KAHOKA
302 PM CST FRI DEC 20 2013

...WINTER STORM WARNING IN EFFECT FROM 6 PM SATURDAY TO 6 PM CST
SUNDAY...

THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN QUAD CITIES HAS ISSUED A WINTER
STORM WARNING FOR HEAVY SNOW...WHICH IS IN EFFECT
FROM 6 PM SATURDAY TO 6 PM CST SUNDAY.

* TIMING...SNOW WILL DEVELOP BY EARLY TO MID EVENING SATURDAY AND
WILL BE HEAVY OVERNIGHT. SLEET WILL MIX WITH THE SNOW AT TIMES
IN COUNTIES NEAR THE MISSISSIPPI RIVER AND IN ILLINOIS.

* SNOW ACCUMULATIONS...5 TO 9 INCHES.

* ICE ACCUMULATIONS...AROUND A TRACE. SLEET ACCUMULATION UP TO 1/2
INCH.

* WINDS...NORTH 10 TO 20 MPH WITH GUSTS UP TO 30 MPH.

* VISIBILITIES...AS LOW AS 1/4 MILE IN HEAVY SNOW AND BLOWING SNOW
SATURDAY NIGHT AND SUNDAY MORNING.

* TEMPERATURES...IN THE MID 20S.

* IMPACTS...HEAVY SNOW AND BLOWING SNOW WILL MAKE TRAVEL VERY
DANGEROUS...SO ONLY TRAVEL IN AN EMERGENCY AND TAKE YOUR WINTER
SURVIVAL KIT.

PRECAUTIONARY/PREPAREDNESS ACTIONS...

A WINTER STORM WARNING FOR HEAVY SNOW MEANS 6 TO 7 INCHES OR MORE
OF SNOW FALLING AT INTENSE RATES OF 1-2 INCHES PER HOUR... IS
EXPECTED OR OCCURRING. THIS WILL MAKE TRAVEL VERY DANGEROUS OR
IMPOSSIBLE...SO ONLY TRAVEL IN AN EMERGENCY AND TAKE YOUR WINTER
SURVIVAL KIT.