This lady cannot keep her hands off her man, but not the way you think.

Jeannie here has gone to extremes to make sure her boyfriend doesn't fool around with other women: she signs her name on his penis. Yup, she puts her John Han-"cock" on his junk, which is a totally bizarre of getting ink to show your love for someone.

You're definitely not alone if you think she's not the Sharpie-est tool in the shed.

There are loads of amazing quotes in this segment from The Doctors:

"For the past five years, I have been signing my man's penis."

"I know for a fact that he's not cheating because I take a marker, I sign his penis and I take a picture of it and when he comes home it has to match."

"Women, they don't understand how penises operate, in my opinion."

The boyfriend -- or the canvas, as it were -- is about as whipped as you might think, too:

"I thank god for this signature because this actually gives me more freedom because it gives her peace of mind."

"It's almost like a wedding band. It reminds you, hey, there's somebody at home that actually cares about you."

Jeannie came up with this brilliant idea because she just assumed he was cheating on her. Naturally, the logical thing to do is sign on the dotted line...or the penis.