Concert Etiquette for the New Age
This past Friday, I had the pleasure of seeing one of my favorite bands in the world in concert. All in all, it was a great show, but it did make me realize a fundamental truth about myself.
I LOVE concerts…I HATE concert goers.
OK…that may be a bit strong, but there are a few types of people out there that just rub me the wrong way when I am trying to enjoy a show. The good news is that all of this bad concert behavior is correctable, so if you think you might be guilty of any of this, now is your chance for redemption.
1. If you’re in a nosebleed section, sit the hell down. Look, I get it. I’m excited, too. I had never seen the band before, so I was giddy as a schoolgirl to rock with them in person…but we were in the 300 section. Like, next to the ceiling. There was no reason to stand up. I paid $100 for my seat, I really wanted to use it. But no…the first note hit and someone in the front row of our section stood up, causing everyone to pop up. And we were the only 300 section in the whole arena to stand. Lucky me… Maybe I’m getting old, but if I wanted to stand for three hours, I would have gotten floor tickets.
2. Drink to loosen up at a concert. Drink to get sloppy-ass drunk at home. If all you are going to do is fill yourself up with $12 beers until you can’t even stand up straight, why even go to a show?!? Just put on videos of the band on YouTube and spill beer all over your family in the comfort of your own living room instead of filling my shoe with stale PBR. There was a dude in front of us that must have had seven or eight before the headliner even took the stage. I’d be pretty pissed at myself if I paid for a ticket to a show that I didn’t remember the next day. Moderation, Drinky McDrunkerson!
3. The light on your phone doesn’t do anything for the pictures, but it does annoy the crap out of everyone around you. I get it…You want this moment immortalized forever on Insta, and that’s cool. But turn off the flashlight on the front of your phone! The stage is illuminated with $3 million worth of lights. You don’t need a flash. All you are doing is lighting the back of people’s heads for three rows in front of you and distracting everyone else around you.
While we’re on the subject of phones…
4. Could you not wait until the end of the show to post all of your pictures on Facebook? There was a couple in front of us and the guy was obviously not a huge fan, so, for the entire show, he fiddled on his phone. Facebook, checked the weather, looked at his email, even tracked an Amazon order. How do I know? Because his screen brightness was set somewhere between “lighthouse” and “quasar” so every move of his phone was seared into my retinas whether I wanted it to be or not. How about you hang out in the lobby and wait for it to be over and not mess it up for the ones trying to actually watch what we paid to see.
5. You ever get that person who’s right beside you confirming everything that’s happening. But like…aggressively. Clapping you on the shoulders, pointing, giving the rock fingers, just generally being a pushy dick. Yeah…it’s an awesome show, buddy. But guess what…I’m watching it in real time right beside you. I’m seeing it all as it unfolds and the color commentary you are screaming into my ear isn’t adding anything to my experience. Please go away.
Well, that’s about it. Hopefully, this information will get out to the public and future concerts can be enjoyed just a little bit more by everyone.
(I’d like to point out that last one was suggested by my girlfriend, and only now do I realize she was talking about me. My bad. I’ll do better next time…BUT OH MY GOD DID YOU SEE THAT ONE THING?!?!)