Cedar River Water Rescue Raises Questions

Cedar Rapids Police and rescue units were summoned to the 2nd Ave. bridge for an emergency on Wednesday morning around 6:34 a.m. It turns out a man was struggling in the Cedar River.

The Gazette reported that a boat was dispatched to assist in the efforts. The rescue was successful and the man was pulled to safety.

But I was wondering, what was he doing in the water to begin with?

There was no official word given as to how or why this person was in the river, but I have a theory or two.

He may have been fishing, and pulled in by a big carp. Those big fat smelly fish could pull in a small elephant if given the chance. Fortunately there are no small elephants in the Cedar Rapids vicinity that I am aware of.

He may have simply been trying to cool off. Maybe he decided to take a swim and got in over his head. It would be hard to do in that location, it's pretty shallow there. Moses could have waded across that portion of the Cedar River without any divine intervention.

Perhaps he was listening to the 94.1 KRNA morning show, heard host Jaymz tell Producer Mike to "go jump in the river" and decided to follow along. Producer Mike makes frequent mistakes, and Jaymz will often offer that idea as his best advice.

But we all know you should never do anything that Jaymz or Mike suggest, for obvious reasons: the two morning show hosts are both knuckleheads.

Stay safe and keep your feet on the shore, my friends.

[via Gazette]