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10 Ways To Piss Off An Iowan

Photo: Larson/3 Chip Media
Photo: Larson/3 Chip Media

“Iowa Nice” is a thing. But, there are some ways to bring out the pissed off Iowan that lives inside everyone of us….and it usually starts when we meet somebody from one of the coasts.

I was flying home last week and the woman seated next to me asked where I lived. I told her “Iowa,” and she immediately asked, “How many pigs do you have on your farm?” Damn it, Jim! Anyway, here are TEN more things that will immediately piss off an Iowan that I thought of while I was on the flight home:

  1. “How’s the potato crop this year?” Ok fool, we live in IOWA not IDAHO.
  2. “Does your city really have an airport?” No, we take a covered wagon to Minneapolis and leave from there.
  3. “What are one-room schoolhouses like?” Seriously? We’ve got the highest graduation rate of any state in America. And we have computers.
  4. “That Urban Meyer was quite a steal for you guys!” Once again, we live in IOWA not OHIO!
  5. “Is Ranch dressing really the #1 condiment in Iowa?” Yes. And the kids in Iowa know how to eat vegetables because of it.
  6. “How could you guys have voted for Trump?” The same way in which we voted for Obama twice AND launched him to the top in 2008 with the Iowa Caucuses.
  7. “Damn…it’s so flat there!” Join us on the last two days of RAGBRAI and see how flat it is.
  8. “Do you guys have Chinese restaurants there?” Uh, yeah. And we have plenty of nationally recognized restaurants as well.
  9. “Other than pigs and corn, what else comes from Iowa?” Not much, really…except the first computer (Iowa State), the second most recognized painting in the world (American Gothic), the equipment making sure your jet is recognized by your air traffic controller (Rockwell Collins), and Captain Crunch (Quaker Oats!)
  10. “How quaint it must be to live in Iowa.” Quant? We’re within 4-5 hours of five of the hottest large metro areas in the country. We’re just a short drive to see some of the best concerts, eat at some of the greatest restaurants, and take in NFL, NBA, MLB and NHL teams and be back home for work the next day…as long as we don’t drink too much Iowa-based Templeton Rye.

That’s my rant for today……Now get off my lawn, I NEED TO GO FEED THE DAMN COWS!



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